Thursday, October 8, 2015

It’s National Poetry Day: An Art Lawyer Speaks


"The art trade's nearing its demise;
money-laundering is on the rise.
Yet fakes and forgeries are far worse,
they’re every dealer’s nightmare curse.
We lawyers’ love them, though.
Just think of all that lovely dough!
The Knoedler case soon goes to trial.
Many months of writ and bile,
a gravy train awash with loot,
I’ll buy a new Armani suit
in which to shimmy to the bench
and say in German, Dutch or French:
'My client’s innocent, M’Lord
of anything so untoward!
She’s honest, ethical and clean
and bought the Rothko sight unseen.
The Motherwell looked fine as well.
The Clyfford Still seemed mighty swell
When viewed upon a MacBook Air
through Raybans to reduce the glare.
Absolve her of the charge, I beg.
We’re sitting on a powder keg,
for if she swings the trade could wilt
and all the galleries they built
would lie abandoned ruined, broke.
Imagine all those arty folk,
Sleeping rough and begging dimes
and dreaming of the happy times
when dodgy Pollocks could be sold
to hedge fund dupes with piles of gold.' 

Steve Martin knows the risks you run
in buying paintings just for fun.
He found himself a million light
when someone saw Titanium White
hiding in his German paint 
(it was enough to make him faint.)

Do dealers learn from their mistakes?
Of course they don’t, the wily snakes!
If they could fit her in a crate,
they’d sell their granny to the Tate.

Where there’s a dollar to be earned, 
who cares whose fingers might get burned?
And what of Bouvier, the Freeport dude?
He’ll need me too if he gets sued!
He’s up against a potash tsar
(that case could buy me a new car.)
The lawyers’s code for art and sin? 
Heads you lose, and tails we win."

TF

More art doggerel here:
Lines on the Goulandris Family art feud

2 comments:

Iain said...

Top marks, I didn't know it at the time but we need more art market poetry!

Tom Flynn said...

Thank you, Iain!